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Notebook - Verse 1
If I cover up my face with gasoline, and a match under me,
what'll we do when I show how fucking heated I am from the feet up to the teeth?
Fed up with being so fed up, I'm going to starve myself to anorexia.
So dark that color never lets me live enough.
Sub-titles of my life are screaming, "fuck you. Don't trust me."
Stuck to every cliche' that they create every day.
Pete's sake? How about for my sake?
Time waits for no one. It better be patient or I'll rage,
primate humans want to eat me up on dinner plates.
Don't even bother me, I'm anti-social, sick of they.
Sick of he. Sick of she. I just want to kill you freaks.
When I die, I really hope that everyone forgets of me.
Spit on my grave, steal my roses, dig my body up.
Fill explosives inside of my ribcage and then watch me bust.
I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the World.
Entire family, my friends, and every trashy girl.
I'm a step away from sniffing coke,
popping so many pills that that, I'm turning into a monster in my center-fold.
So many thoughts of suicide.
So many that I'll lose my mind before I even turn twenty-five. Who am I? I forget.
What you hear is side-effects of a beat-down kid without regret.
Want to hear that revelation, "Thamon Joyce? Oh yeah, they found him dead,
swinging on the rope inside of a backyard of a place called home.
It was never home. I've always felt alone.
Why wasn't Daddy ever inside of the room with Mom?
How come Mom is drinking so much and it's two o'clock?
The afternoon; I hear those beer-tabs 'til the dawn.
Cracking like my heart.
You never had a heart...
EvolXYZ - Verse 2
I just wanna walk away. Close my eyes and block the day.
You made my week's brighter, but now it's not the same.
Like my days went from sunny, to gloom & grey.
Like the clouds blocked the sun out, but it wasn't rain.
I just wanna keep myself from stumbling -
over, every sentance, every word, every letter's left crumbling.
Never mind, not again. I'm just a friend.
I don't have the time to argue, so can this not begin?
I know I left you hanging, I know I never answered.
I know I'm still the person dancing all, around the answers.
I got myself locked in hope, like it wasn't cancer.
I just know that when you go, I won't know what happens after.
So maybe I'll reply, tonight I'll leave my phone alive.
I'll answer if you call or text, because I know it's time.
I couldn't go another minute, living with a lie.
So let my penmenship, be the mark that makes us try.
I'm not gonna give up, no. I'm not gonna stop if I see you tear.
I just wanna be alone. The thoughts of suicide appear.
The razor blade forges every letter ever sent.
It's like the blood spelled the words, that only hearts could guess.
It's like it's hard to figure out, why you hated me.
I'm not an enemy, lemme guess, It's make believe?
I couldn't take what she, thought of me. So I'll make you see.
That everything I've ever done, was more than free.
I never left, and you never stayed.
I'll hold my breath, and never run away.
I never thought that I'd, see the day.
That I wouldn't recognize my own face.
credits
from
This Dream,
track released November 18, 2011
EvolXYZ, Notebook, Endless Beats
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